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Stories of Recovery

Meet people who have to share their stories – real life experiences in overcoming mental health issues of various kinds. Listen to how they never gave up, watch their battles and victories and read about their success.

It is possible to overcome the condition, all it takes is a little willpower and some help. You can find all the motivation you need right here. Watch real life testimonials of people who have overcome various types of mental health conditions and read inspiring stories of recovery.
Real Life Stories
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“I was diagnosed with intrusive thoughts OCD and mild depression in 2017. ”
by Vardhman Jain

I was diagnosed with intrusive thoughts OCD and mild depression in 2017. I used to get thoughts of harming myself. I couldn't stand near the balcony or pick up a knife to cut fruits. I was scared of myself. It was the worst phase of my life. I was very fortunate to have my wife and the right set of friends who have gone through a similar phase. My therapist and psychiatrist were my saviors. I could call them at 1am and they would talk to me. I am in a much better position now and internally I feel very strong about myself. Advice to folks who have been going to a similar phase a. Acceptance: accept the fact that you are going through a mental illness and it's absolutely okay b. Understand the illness: many people do not understand what is going on with them since mental illness is not physically seen. Speak to a therapist and understand the illness c. Medicines and therapy: Remember it is absolutely okay to take anti depressants. Also, medicine alone will not solve the problem and therapy is equally important. d. Talk to people: pick up the phone talk to your close ones and be open about it. Trust me you need people around you to manage this phase. e. Active lifestyle: Exercise is key and sweating at the gym really helps. Also, please avoid overuse of social media apps. Remember this is just a phase and this too shall pass. Start strong and fight back.


“I was 23 when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. ”
by Namratha Rao

I am Namratha Rao, and I was 23 when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I was a working professional in Bangalore and was doing very well in life. Ideally, I had nothing to complain about in life (barring the city traffic). A wonderful family, a good job and amazing friends. Sadly, my mind saw none of this. 

Even as I write about it, it is difficult for me to go back to that one point in time when I started feeling I wasn't feeling all that well. I had returned from a long vacation with friends and was looking forward to getting back to work. Work I loved for the week and friends and books for the weekend.

Except there was one thing that I couldn't be, Happy. 

I started sleeping bad, and I very distinctly remember that one morning, when I woke up in sweat, crying. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. And that right there was the beginning of something not so nice for me. I developed an innate fear of sleep. I would do anything to stay awake - bring work home, read books, watch movies. Eventually when my body gave up and drifted off to sleep, waking up the next morning was physical torture. I would, however, get to work every morning, after wiping away the tears and brushing away my fears. 

I would have this pit emptiness in my stomach all through the day. It would just not go away.

Absolutely anything would trigger anxiety in me, and I would be forced to throw up. All the things that I had brushed under the rug from my past came creeping at me with full force. 
A lousy heartbreak from the recent past, memories of being a victim of sexual harassment when I was 6 and being treated as a culprit for sharing it and that time I failed a subject.
None of these fears made any sense to me, but they wouldn't go away. 
I then decided to seek professional help. 
Today, I can proudly say, I have no regrets  because if I got rid of my demons, I would lose my angels too.

People who have gone through this do not need sympathy, but understanding. And I am happy society is aware of this illness and are more accepting of it now. It's just another disease that needs diagnosis and cure.


“I grew up in an environment that made me scared of my own family members. ”
by Varshini R

I grew up in an environment that made me scared of my own family members. I never had the courage to put my foot down and ask for what I needed. I always bottled up how I felt thinking it was highly insignificant and a burden on other people. I craved for approval and would go all lengths to gain it from my family. Large groups of people scared me and I didn't enjoy social gatherings much either. Years of this consequently ended with me staring at my psychiatrist in utter disbelief when I was daignosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder at the age of 16. Panic attacks were not new to me but I never knew they were termed that. New people made me uncomfortable and I hated replying back to messages let alone pick up calls. I was put on medication that my parents made sure I took by making each tablet I took in the name of some cricketer. I hated going to college and my books slowly started gaining dust. I was literally dragged to sessions with my therapist and psychiatrist. My doctor was wonderful. My family was extremely supportive. They did everything they could to help me. But let me tell you something, none of it matters if you don't want to fight it out.

Slowly I started accepting a fact that this was going to be my end. My panic attacks and repeated breaking down became my close companions. I was regularly self harming and the scars are still there. I barely ate and slept like a log most of the time. My grades dropped just as massively as my weight which further worsened my anxiety. I tried to kill myself twice. Everyone that once believed in me said, please try and get 40% and pass and gradually it became drop this year, you will fail anyways. My mother was not ready to accept this. The scene was so bad that I was never left alone because everyone feared I would do something drastic. Things took a bad turn when in the middle of this mess, I was sexually harassed by a teacher I really looked up to for support. Least to say, I was crushed. In my second attempt to kill myself, my sister came knocking at the bathroom door and listening to her voice is the only reason I didn't take it one step too far. That's when it struck me. Knowingly or unknowingly, you are the center of the universe for someone. There were people fighting their own fears to help me fight mine. There were people who were ready to win the world to see me smile from my heart one more time. There were too many people emotionally invested in my treatment.

If I gave up now, it wasn't going to destroy me, it was going to destroy the people who were my world and whose world I was. I couldn't that. I just couldn't. Plus, I had so many dreams I wanted to fulfil at one point of time, like doing psychology. And did Manish Pandey really deserve to lose a fan as big as me? I decided this is not how my story was going to end. I drew strength from my family and friends. I attended sessions with my therapist more regularly. I took up dance once again. I stared painting I took my treatment and recovery very very seriously. And as for my grades, with unconditional support from my parents and teachers, why 40%? I got 73%. The medication finally stopped and watching the happiness in the faces of the people who helped me through this was nothing short of magical. The years following this were not easy, I had to work on myself and my mental health quite a lot. I visited a therapist for close to two years.

It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. There were times I felt too weak, but remember, you're not alone. You are only alone when you think you are. And yes, I ended up realising my dream of doing psychology in the university I wanted. Looking back, there was something I was once told, if there is anyone who can do it, it's you. And believe me, it's true. I've experienced it and it's the only thing I can guarantee you along with the fact that you are the source of strength for so many people. Don't forget that.


“I was 18 when I suffered from depression and anxiety. ”
by Ujwala

I was 18 when I suffered from depression and anxiety. When triggered, I ended up having panic attacks. Depression scattered me while panic attacks turned my world upside down.
I spent almost every night crying and wondering what i was going through. One night , I suddenly started sweating, felt breathless ,my heart's racing, i was numb, I was frightened as if i would die the very moment and I felt all the pressure it seemed as it would burst out .It was hard to call out for help, voice did'nt come out of my crying throat. That was a panic attack. Ever since these episodes started they became my worst fear. 
During one such attack, I was frightened to death and ended up cutting my wrist. To my horror ,that physical pain gave me relief from that attack of death as if the pressure was going out with my blood. Each time i had an episode, hurting myself was possibly what i could think of.

I never did that to die but it became my getaway from suffering. Few nights, I took number of unknown pills to escape these episodes with a zero hope of waking up the next morning.
I soon felt I couldn't take it anymore and spoke to my aunt about what i was going through. I was taken to a psychiatrist who prescribed anti-depressants and a few sleeping pills.
Apart from drugs and therapy, the immense support of my aunt and my family gave me hope of a better tomorrow. I suffered for nearly a year.
This made me stronger, more humble and grateful for life. I now know the worth of happiness and life.


ITS NOBODY'S FAULT! 
If you're suffering, its only you who could get you out of it. Accept it! The more you try to run from it, more difficult it becomes. Remember you aren't alone. It isn't bad if you seek for help. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else do.
If someone around you is suffering, support them and let them know they aren't alone.
I was lucky enough to live, please don't make the mistake i did. Suicide is not a solution.

This struggle of yours will pass and you ll have a happier tomorrow just like i did. Dont let your dreams fall apart.


“I don't know why people assume that a person suffering from depression will always be mum and silent. ”
by Sanchita Sharma

I don't know why people assume that a person suffering from depression will always be mum and silent. It was a other way round in my case. 
I have always been a bubbly girl and people always find me smiling all the time but none knew the pain and suffering I was dealing with. 
Being a single child in family I have always suffered loneliness, the feeling of being abandoned has always been chasing me throughout my life time.

I never had any friend who guided me or showed me the right path or had never helped me sneak out this depression phase. 
I was 14 when I first tried to kill myself. Since then I have always criticised life for being harsh to me. Once in my lifetime, I used to sleep, sleep a lot. Eat nothing and when anyone asked Me about anything I used to weep for hours without uttering a single word. I started to realise something was really wrong with me but before I could do anything I had a major panic attack and in haste and fear I took overdose of sleeping pills and pain killers. I was in ICU for about 8 days.

I later than was given sittings with Psychiatrist. Slowly and steadily I overcome that phase of life. And yes I am not ashamed of this, I have learned a lot from this. And at present I am working as a teacher and providing my students with such support and a ear to hear and guide them that they need most during teen years and the ones we didn't have when we needed it. I am just trying my bit to encourage and educate the teenage students about mental health and how much does it matter.

All I believe now is no matter how harsh life gets, never end it or give up, just stay, live, life gets better with time. It's important that we live to see the happier days.


“My struggle with depression started off very insidiously. ”
by Vikram

My struggle with depression started off very insidiously. I found myself prone to mood swings and moments where I didn't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. I lost interest in the things I enjoyed doing and found myself confined to my hostel room more and more as time passed. Sleep was a companion I didn't want to let go off. Food I once enjoyed I avoided like the plague. My sense of self-worth plummeted and I felt like a failure in everything I did even if I did some of them very well. I saw enemies where I knew I had friends. My friends saw my growing inactivity as laziness and I never attempted to change that impression.

My mind was often filled with thoughts of self harm. I began to doubt that I would be missed if I was gone the next day. Every time I would pull myself back and admonish myself for having these thoughts. But this resolve gradually faded and I almost accepted this new mindset as an evolution of my personality. I would experience nightmares centered around my death and break down into tears when I was alone.

It eventually reached a stage where it deeply impacted my academics and my social interactions. My friends then staged an intervention. They helped me see that I was not myself and I needed help. My parents showed me a lot of love and support and helped me get in touch with a psychiatrist. She helped me learn to forgive myself and to look at my situation as a great opportunity for personal growth. It was an opportunity for me to be true to myself and really identify what is important to me. It was a struggle that took a year of my life but I came out of it a different person. A better person. Society often places pressure on us to be strong in the face of adversity. To be stoic is a quality to which many attach value. But I find it takes great strength of character for anyone to put their hand up and admit they are struggling. It takes courage to seek help and kindness to forgive yourself.

I was lucky that I had people who looked out for me at the right time and stopped me before I did anything I would regret. I hope that this story helps people realize that all of us go through our struggles. Stories of struggle are not shared as readily on social media as stories of success. No one boasts on Instagram about their failures. It often leaves their followers under the false impression that one who succeeds has never failed and the one who fails can never succeed. The truth is there isn't one without the other. Same as how there can never be joy without sorrow. It is in fact those moments of sorrow that make us cherish the moments of joy in our lives.

My experiences with depression and my exposure as a medical student to fellow survivors of depression has filled me with a renewed sense of purpose and compassion for those that fear the judgement I've been lucky not to receive. I hope that I'm able to become a positive agent of change in helping people combat this illness.


“For a girl who was always up to mischief until I was 15, it was hard to see why I couldn't bear to talk to anyone ever again. ”
by Pavithra Pasupathi

For a girl who was always up to mischief until I was 15, it was hard to see why I couldn't bear to talk to anyone ever again. 2 years of silence for someone who couldn't shut up was something that I can never ever get to think of again. I had no friends anymore. I was constantly judged for being withdrawn or ˜boring and quiet. One of my teachers quoted to my mother "I made her sit down near the most talkative boy in class. And sadly, he was quiet after that. It is unbelievable."



While the most alarming symptoms were all overlooked between the age of 16-18, I knew my depression started there and only got worse with time. When I moved to a different country to pursue my education, it was like life gave up on me. Nothing would ever be good again. Nobody would ever need me. Or I was simply not good enough. While I struggled to wake up and get out of bed, I was constantly reminded of how alone I was. I cried incessantly. I found solace in binge-eating junk food. Or constantly trying very hard to do my daily chores.


I was 24 when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I needed immediate care with anti-depressants and constant supervision. There are a lot of people who say - You 'll be fine, it's a phase or just your stress. Don't over think or even Don't make excuses for something you just don't feel like doing. I would like to tell everyone going through depression, it is not a phase. It is not an excuse. And definitely not a state of mind that you've chosen to mull over. 



After sessions of therapy that made me realise my value and worth, today, I love myself and still learning to know that I am good enough. I know today that I am me, and those who can and want to accept me, will without a second thought.

Today, I am the confident woman who can stand and face life the same way the rebellious teenager could be up to any mischief and be open to dealing with unforeseen consequences.


“I had post partum depression. I was in my second of prostgraduate residency in medicine when I got pregnant ”
by Sreeda

I had post partum depression. I was in my second of prostgraduate residency in medicine when I got pregnant. After a stressful pregnancy and prolonged labour I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I went to my mother's place wishing for a wonderful post partum period, where I could rejoice motherhood. Few days were good..except ofcourse the constant feeding and baby care. In the second month my husband joined us for a two week period and it was all going well. The nite he left back to workplace and I was on FB uploading pics of my baby. All of a sudden I started feeling anxiuos and scared, I couldn't understand the reason. I had this thought that if I fell asleep I would have some dream of drowning and I would choke, or if I slept I wouldn't be able to wake up and would land in coma. I knew it was a absurd and irrational thought, but my mind was reacting to that thought and I had a panic attack that same night. Somehow I convinced myself to sleep. The next day when I woke , i woke with the feeling of gloom. I felt there was this well and I was in it..it was a thick layer of sadness without a reason and to top it all I had this constant fear of sleep. The next two months was the worst time of my life. No one could understand, from I was not being a good mother and was selfish to maybe I was just scared my career was ruined to my husbands attitude towards this.. everything was questioned and analysed. Being a doctor made it all worse. I knew the diagnosis but wudint accept it.I rushed from psychiatrist to psychiatrist and still cudint believe I got post partum depression. But then in the end it took lot of convincing by my parents and my husband's support to get me to take the antidepressant.
I took it for a period three months and then tapered it down. Luckily for me the episode was over.
That gave me a real insight into what mental health issues meant. It is very difficult to make anyone understand a problem which is not visible to the naked eye or does not show up on lab tests


“My husband is my hero, he’s everything and more that I’d ever expect in a decent human being.”
by Antara Vinaya Chandran

This isn’t my story, it’s that of the person that I love and value the most. My husband is my hero, he’s everything and more that I’d ever expect in a decent human being. I’ve always known him to be reserved, but you can tell when something gone too far. We’d drive to work together, a good 45 minutes each way, without a word spoken. He spoke even less than his reserved self, looked distant, lay in bed staring at he ceiling fan. His gorgeous dimples had all but disappeared. And I knew that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. 


On an off chance I mentioned hypochondria on a visit to his doctor, who displayed such a tremendous presence of mind, for which I’ll be forever grateful - he asked us to go see a psychologist for potential anxiety. We had’t quite grasped the gravity of the until a few weeks from this visit, when a seemingly small bump in the road opened up a well of emotions that I didn’t know I had. After two agonizing days, my husband pulled up his chair next to mine to say the first words to me in two days - I think I’m depressed, and I need help. 
That was the beginning of our healing.

It’s 5 years since then, we still have good days and bad days, but we know they’ll pass. He knows how to ride over the bad days, he’s learnt to recognize triggers, and handle them head on. I’ve learnt patience. And that it’s his journey. All I can do is to walk alongside this beautiful man as he discovers his complex mind.
Depression is real. It’s crippling. And it’s manageable. We need to call it out, and then find a way to best manage it. 


If you’re depressed, name it, and go find help. There are more good days, and you deserve to live them well. 
If you know, and love, someone who is depressed, stand by them. That’s all you have to do.


“I will tell you my story behind my battle with bipolar type 2 disorder coupled with anxiety and depression.”
by Sridevi Nayak

It all began in 2014 September when I had my first panic attack. I was at my work place. I was taken to my uncle's hospital in Bangalore. I was lucky to be around known faces but I didn't like the word depression.

It was only after Ms. Padukone's interview I got the courage to face this condition. I am a procrastinator and I wish I was not like that then. It took me almost a year to go and seek help. I had my panic attack again on September 2015. I was then diagnosed with bipolar type 2 along with other above mentioned conditions. Since then I am on medications. I conditioned myself and empowered myself by watching movies related to mental health. Read books, article, anecdotes, memoirs and other material to keep myself self aware. There were many ups and downs in the process. Some got me overwhelmed and some comforted me. I only knew one thing if life gives me 1 chance to live against n number of chances to end it, I will choose to live. I struggled all alone. I had friends, family but I was alone. Always echoing this too shall pass phrase. It worked for me.

I had decided not to get married. I did not want to be a liability to anybody. I had infact asked my twin brother to go ahead marry the girl whom he loved. I knew I was signing up for many curious eyes who would question why did I do this. I didn't give damn. I enjoyed that day when my brother got married. I knew I am going to lose on to the experience of having a companionsip.

May 2018 I decided to move to Mumbai. I had to take a chance. I had to change my therapist. One of my close friend recommended a therapist. It costed me a bomb. She asked me to stop all the medicines. Ridiculed people who have suicidal symptoms as stupid. I was hurt. I decided not to visit her. However I had stopped medicines. This backfired and caused a huge anxiety wave inside me. I stopped walking on the Marine drive. I did not want the ocean to succumb me. I some how took courage and travelled back to my hometown. I had no work, no good health. I felt defeated. I wanted to give up on that train journey but a stranger who was a blessing in disguise helped me cope to things till I reached home safe and sound.

My therapy at my hometown started. I had left Bangalore and Mumbai. I was in front of a psychiatrist who barely knew my case. I told him I was feeling suicidal and I don't want to die. 

One evening I got a call from Bangalore based PR agency for an interview. I travelled again to this beautiful city who knew who I was and was kind enough to endure my condition. Sooner I got a job and things finally started falling in place in September 2018. As days passed by my parents got me a marriage alliance. I was earlier rejected because of my mental health. I had made it clear to my family I will only marry after I disclose my condition and it is acceptable in the guy's family.

This time there came a man who spoke to me at a length. Understood what I had to say. Drove from Mangalore to Bangalore only to respect my feelings and to talk to my psychiatrist who is treating me since September 2015. Usually couples go to Cafe or any other interesting joints to spend time. We had an uncoventional route. We had to know each other in the waiting room at a hospital. After finally getting to know my condition from my doctor as well as other credible sources, we both decided to enter into a courtship.

October 14, 2018 we exchanged rings in a an intimate affair. I had tears in my eyes. And so did my family of 7. Now I proudly say that both my partner and I are #notashamed. He is not ashamed to have me in his life and I am not ashamed of who I am. Our marriage is slated on May 12, 2019 in Udupi. 

I am still having bumpy rides with anxiety, bipolar episode and depressive symptoms. I know I will have to deal this until I reach my grave but I will endure it and make sure to bring change around the people I live.


“It all started since my father's death, a year back. ”
by Diksha Rohatgi

It all started since my father's death, a year back. Not only did I lose my dad but I also lost my support system. It happened so suddenly that I had gone into a trauma. Everyone expected me to be strong at that time. But no-one knew how sad I was. I didn't know what was wrong with my body or my mind, most of the times I cried for no reason. I frequently felt a sense of numbness in my body. I didn't know what I was going through. I preferred being alone and was afraid of any type of interaction with anyone. I felt very low at that time. My family then consulted a doctor and I was diagnosed with OCD and clinical depression. So that's was the reason for my condition. Now I'm on my medication and I am feeling better.


“I got an anxiety attack on the flight between Hong Kong and Milan in January 2014. ”
by Shashank Keshavmurthy

I got an anxiety attack on the flight between Hong Kong and Milan in January 2014. I woke up sweating and I did not know what to do and I felt so helpless. Somehow I reached Milan and spent the next 10 days traveling in Milan and Venice. I got an anxiety attack again, twice, in Venice. I didn't know that it was an anxiety attack. After I returned home, it was fine for a while. One day, I was working on my computer, and there it happened again. This time the attack was bigger. After this, I feet anxious all the time. I felt like killing myself. I could not take a bus or metro, I walked as much as possible. I visited a doctor who prescribed me medicines for clinical depression and anxiety. Taiwan is culturally insensitive to anxiety and depression. But, I was lucky since my boss was so understanding when I told him about my problem. He gave me complete freedom with respect to my research work. I decided that I will not stop working or doing other things I like to do. This went on for a year, later I decided to change the environment and hence I moved to South Korea for a year. Change of environment and healthy lifestyle helped in my recovery. In 2016, I went back to Taipei, but I still was suffering from mild anxiety and depression and that is when I decided to stop taking the medicine completely and started therapy sessions Now it is the end of 2018, almost 4 years since I am in this situation. I have still not completely recovered, but then it is a slow process and I know I need to be patient with it.


“I am a 22-year-old girl, I was in a relationship with a guy for 5 years I found out that he was cheating on me. ”
by Ridhi

I am a 22-year-old girl, I was in a relationship with a guy for 5 years I found out that he was cheating on me. when I tried to confront him, he dumped me without giving any explanation and got into a relationship with another girl the next day itself. I was heartbroken, had suicidal thoughts even though I knew that it wasn't my fault. I was scared to share this with my family and talked to no one about it as it was extremely difficult for me to trust anyone. This resulted in serious trust issues and being irritated all the time. Eventually, my brother noticed the change in my behavior. That is when I opened up to him about not eating anything and skipping college. He helped through my phase of depression, I believe that it's important for teenagers to realize that everything happens for a reason and our lives do not depend on any other person. I am sharing this story because a friend of mine took her life after her boyfriend broke up with her. I just request every teenager to share their feelings with someone and not keep dying inside, just because they are afraid of what others may think about them. Your parents love you much more than what you think they do.


“I work as an instructional designer. I am a poet, writer, singer, dancer and an artist at heart. ”
by Divya Sharma

I work as an instructional designer. I am a poet, writer, singer, dancer and an artist at heart. And guess what made me effortlessly creative? My anxiety issues. Thanks to my dramatic visualization and constantly running imagination I am an idea machine. After suffering from general anxiety issues for the past 8 years sometimes, my psychiatrist explained to me how it is a part of my personality. I live with anxiety every waking day but I am learning to stop running away from it. Trust me, we don't know how powerful we are unless we actually start facing our fears.
And that is my mantra to win over my issues. When I was about to leave the clinic after my visit these were my psychiatrist's last lines for me:
"I won't say get well soon, because there is nothing to get well from/of :)" So, to all the anxious people out there I'll say accept yourself the way you are, you'll never be the same if you take off the smallest chunk of yourself just because it bothers you a bit. See the bright side! :)


“I was diagnosed with postpartum depression post delivery of my child in 2013. ”
by Parvathy Anoop

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression post delivery of my child in 2013. Frequent episodes of crying, the insecurity that my baby would be taken away from me and frequently feeling a fire in my belly were symptoms. It reached a point where I could not even breastfeed my baby and he was less than a month old. My gynecologist identified depression and sent me to a good psychiatrist. My son is almost five and I just came off my medication 2 months back. I'm glad I got help because I was able to raise my child all on my own and I felt happy doing it. Postpartum depression often goes unnoticed and mother suffers for no reason. I want all mothers to know that with medication, yoga, and exercise, you can overcome the disease and lead normal lives again.


“Being a girl and the youngest in the family I was pampered by all. I felt alienated in the fast life of the city.”
by Raman Mahal

It was back in 2004 I had taken admission in hotel management. I belong to a good family though I had never experienced life in a metro city. Being a girl and the youngest in the family I was pampered by all. I felt alienated in the fast life of the city. I was made a center of the jokes as I belonged to rural area plus. I was body shamed. I stopped eating and felt like committing suicide. I tried confiding in my family, at first they were not ready to get me back but eventually, my grandfather was worried about me. I took admission in a college at Chandigarh but the vicious circle took place again. I called up my father and he decided to consult a doctor and hence I was diagnosed with depression and OCD.


With medication and CBT I have improved a lot and at present, I am working as a professor in a college. My medication has decreased and my work keeps me busy which is a solution to depression. The unwanted thoughts disappear when you are busy. In the end, I would like to say that depression is nothing to be ashamed of. keep yourself busy.

“I did not feel good after joining my college, as I was new to college life.”
by Preethi

So my name is Preethi now I am doing my third year of BCA. I did not feel good after joining my college, as I was new to college life. Suddenly in six months of joining college I did not feel very well. I don't know what I was going through and I couldn't get help from anyone because when I told people that this is what I am going through, they told me it's the stress and i should just go to sleep or hear music or just do what I enjoy but I couldn't do that and for six months. I didn't know what to do and one fine day I came to know that I was going through clinical depression.


I was weak physically mentally. One fine day I was sitting and thinking very deeply and me when my mom's what am I doing.I broke down in front of her and that was the beginning. Even my parents didn't understand what I was going through, my father said it is because of what you're thinking just think your find it will be fine. One month later. they decided to take me to a psychiatrist. I am in medication now. I am fine compared to before. and I'm not ashamed.

“I am Kajol Aikat, a 24-year old author. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 1.5 years old.”
by Kajol Aikat

I am Kajol Aikat, a 24-year old author. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 1.5 years old. But, that was strangely the brighter part of the otherwise dark coin. It was one fine morning in my high school when the other part arrived. I got a seizure in midday and after that day I was mocked and ragged. At one point, I was molested by a gang of seniors and that incident affected for me for the rest of my life. I started thinking that maybe I am not good enough or somewhat it was my fault that I had seizure.


I was already on neural medicines. I went through a phase which had me sitting at home, even scared to interact with my parents. Everybody and everything got dark for me. Until it was one day I realized that maybe I was overdoing it and I deserve better. Today I have written 4 national bestsellers, doing a job and supporting my single family. I have friends who make me feel comfortable in my own skin and happiness is something that I always focus to earn.

“Being a medical student myself I never imagined going through a mental illness.”
by Dr. K

Being a medical student myself I never imagined going through a mental illness. But you never know what happens in life. Put forward into a reality check in my rural service days post MBBS I became diagnosed with brief psychosis. After staying in a remote village with a family who lost their young son. I started hallucinating, imagining myself to being discussed in TV. I remember my then-boyfriend trying to pull me back to reality. But thankfully the medicine showed effect. I had a relapse every year of severe depression. I would speak ill towards near and dear ones. In one such episode after a personal crisis, I was misdiagnosed by a psychiatrist as Schizophrenic. Had a huge argument with him. Left for Nimhans the very next day. they adjudged me as perfectly fine. i was just recommended a psychologist for counseling sessions. Moving on to Post graduation academic pressure building I sank into depression again. Attended by a local experience for psychiatrist was diagnosed as the Bipolar disorder. Put on mood stabilizers for six months. Put on ten kilos weight.


No benefit at all. Nearing another breakdown before MD final my extremely supporting Professor made me leave for home. Somehow managed to clear exam probably due to my worthy performance in last three-year span of post-graduation. Off medications absolutely since the exam is over. Have started working in a new place. Started lifestyle modification. Regular exercising in gym, clean diet, becoming independent in staying alone. Maybe just a little change and some support can go a long way. Please be aware and supportive of those in need. And get proper diagnosis and management. If I can do it. You can do it.

“I was working abroad at that point of time. I did not even understand what was happening, or what triggered my depression. ”
by Anonymous

I was working abroad at that point of time. I did not even understand what was happening, or what triggered my depression. All I knew was, I used to feel tired all the time, yet I could not sleep. I could not concentrate on my work. There were moment when I would suddenly start crying and not able to stop. I would not go out, talk to people. I would not even turn on lights in my room, maybe I was afraid to see myself clearly in a mirror. Everything around me had simply come to a halt. People would come to my house, I would turn them away, I won't even ask them to come inside. Then someone close to me literally forced me to seek help. I remember my first session of therapy, I was not even making sense, crying endlessly, unable to construct a proper sentence. But those sessions helped. Somehow I felt talking to stranger was really soothing, maybe because I was not under pressure to try and explain myself logically. I still am thankful to my friend, who literally dragged me to therapy.


It's ok not to feel ok. We are all humans. Some days we would be ecstatic, some days we would be low. But when feeling low is all you have, that is what I feel depression is. I urge all my friends to seek help. In our country this is still a taboo. But ignore the society. You have fever, you go to a doctor. If you feel depressed, you get treated for that as well.

“It hurts when you got know about your medical condition”
by Saaniya Jackson

It hurts when you got know about your medical condition and suddenly your entire world drop out, in 2013 I dignosed with thalassemia a condition of genetics at the age of 19 & I was a psychology student and singing is my passion when suddenly this horrifying condition takes me in the ocean of depression where I don't know weather to see dreams or not?


I quit everything start staying in home for most of the times crying and shouting for help sometimes I feel to end my life I feel like something ending me inside of my body then one day my mom takes me to the psychologist counseller Dr. Akurti From GB pant hospital who treated my depression almost for 2 month regular Medicine & Care I overcome my depression and am.not ashamed telling my story to awake people who scare to share ..Now I live freely and i even don't care if I have thalasemia cause nothing can stop us dreaming our dreams and chasing our aims currently I'm graduated in psychology and working on my debut music album.

“I'm 21 and Bipolar.”
by Hitakanshi Ghoshal

I'm 21 and Bipolar. I was diagnosed with manic depression in 2015 (4 years ago) after undergoing 3 episodes of depression and 2 episodes of mania. The delay in diagnosis, I feel was due to lack of awareness and so I want to share my story. Even after I started medication I had to struggle with depressive tendencies. I feel that even after my medication began I did not receive counseling and the required therapy again due to little awareness. I feel that medication and maintenance of lifestyle is important but not sufficient. Therapy is essential. I am now taking therapy but still at times I feel stuck and gloomy. That life is dark and stagnant. It will never change. The hopelessness would many a times lead to suicide contemplation because death seemed easier than life. The feeling was so heavy and overpowering that nothing could cheer me up. And the worst thing was that I felt that no one would understand.


It's not that I didn't try, I did but all I got was stunted or negative responses again due to lack of awareness and understanding. I started keeping it to myself thereon which made everything worse. I felt isolated and like a misfit everywhere. My self esteem dipped to an all time low. I felt that people are ridiculing me or laughing on me among themselves. I wanted to hide away or become invisible. The only few mechanisms that kept me going were journaling and music. I loved to listen to songs that I could relate to in my lows. I would try and pick people that are clean slates so I don't feel judged and by sharing with them or helping them out instead I'd get a sense of achievement that would lift me up.


Slowly I understood that it was important to find the roots of my illness that were burried in my childhood and resolve them. That is when I started working on myself with self help books like emotionally absent mother and Running on Empty(Jonice Webb). I started going to therapy sessions periodically. I still struggle but coming out about it is the most empowering feeling and I am really inspired by this initiative. I want to participate in the #notashamed movement in every way possible. It's the only way make India emotionally educated and literate.

“Consumed the scars and here we are the shining stars.”
by Bhavik Pathak

Consumed the scars and here we are the shining stars.


Its been more than 3 years I have been fighting"depression". Somehow I am good at pretending that I am okay but I know those dark thoughts are going to attack me anytime. I know when to put myself into the orbit of chaos and when to get out. Thousand reasons to give up and still I don't because I want to see what is on another side. It's true that once darkness touches you it never really fades away but also we human can achieve anything. I have always tried to shape depression into something positive by changing the core perspectives.


Carry the memories and leave the pain the eternal peace.

“I had postpartum depression. I was in my second year of postgraduate residency in medicine when I got pregnant.”
by Anonymous

I had postpartum depression. I was in my second year of postgraduate residency in medicine when I got pregnant. After a stressful pregnancy and prolonged labor I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I went to my mother's place for my postpartum period, where I could rejoice motherhood. Few days were good , except of course the constant feeding and baby care. In the second month, my husband joined us for a two week period and it was all going well. The night he went back to the workplace and I was on social media uploading pictures of our baby.


Suddenly, I started feeling anxious and scared, I couldn't understand the reason. I had this notion that if I fell asleep, I would have dreams of drowning or choking. or if I slept I wouldn't be able to wake up and would land in a coma. I knew it was an absurd and irrational thought, but my mind was reacting to that thought and I had a panic attack that same night. Somehow I convinced myself to sleep. The next day when I woke up, I woke up with a feeling of sadness. It was a thick layer of sadness without a reason and to top it all I had this constant fear of sleep. The next two months was the worst time of my life.


I had thoughts like I was not a good mother or maybe I was just scared that my career is over. my husband's attitude towards this was not helping. I knew the diagnosis but did not accept it. I rushed from psychiatrist to psychiatrist and still couldn't believe I had postpartum depression. But then, in the end, it took a lot of convincing by my parents and my husband's support to get me to take the antidepressant.


I took it for a period three months and then tapered it down. Luckily for me, the episode was over.

“I am a single mother of two daughters. After my second daughter, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression”
by Sreeda

I am a single mother of two daughters. After my second daughter, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which unfortunately did not get cured as my family never supported me. They never understood my condition and kept blaming me for having negative thoughts and crying continuously. Unfortunately, my condition got severe and turned to clinical major depression with severe suicidal thoughts.


I had to live for my daughters hence pushed myself to a psychiatrist and I was put on medication. I left my husband house with daughters so that along with medication, I have a positive environment to cure myself. Within 9 months, I was off the medication I am happy that I survived. But my family condition still remains the same. I am a very successful person in the education industry but still single and still no support from my parents. Sometimes the feeling comes back but now I have learned how to manage it better.


“Hey! I am 16 years old. I did not know what depression looked like but my mom was facing it. ”
by Rifka lightwala

Hey! I am 16 years old. I did not know what depression looked like but my mom was facing it. I too was going through panic attacks and anxiety which I realized at the age of 21. I was a fat kid, I had zero confidence never thought that I could look beautiful. Every night I felt worse, looking myself at 3 am and crying. One such night I decided to go on a crash diet and the progress made me closer to beauty by torturing my inner self. Slowly looking for results, I started working out and indulged myself into fitness activities for the next three years.


Now, in 2018 when I was confident, aware of nutrition. The crash diet which I had done in past led to tuberculosis in 2018 It was a major turning point in my life. Things I did for the outer beauty and out of family fat shaming lead me at this cost of living. Maybe, I have grown as a person but it was all at the cost of my health. I had never talked about my panic attacks, anxiety or insecurities to anyone. But today I am confident. With the way I am and how I look.


“I guess my story, starts when I was fourteen years old.”
by Anonymous

I guess my story, starts when I was fourteen years old. Frequent breakdowns in the school assembly without any reason, feeling of extreme amounts of anxiety, kept repeating, but I never paid any attention to them. Academically I did everything to overcompensate. I drowned myself in working towards my goal and secured a medical seat at my own merit. I found that as a channel to validate my own value in my own eyes.Everybody around me expected me to be fine, happy and grateful. I forced myself to show these emotions to the outside world.


I struggled to wake up, to eat, became dependent on people, had extreme amounts of fatigue and I hated going to college. I didn't enjoy what I was doing anymore.It was only six years later that I sought help, from a professional counselor and realized that I was suffering from GAD and borderline depression. Also, I did suffer from a long history of childhood trauma and abuse and I realized that I was conditioned to normalize bad behavior or unacceptable behavior, that I stretched my boundaries to such an extent, that I didn't even know what my boundaries were, to begin with. This started reflecting in my personal relationships. My self-respect was in shackles, and I felt completely undeserving of love.


I was so used to "numbing" out my emotions and not addressing them, that they found expression through other means like overwhelming anxiety. Never let anyone tell you that you are a burden because you feel too much. People who truly love you will appreciate you for what you are, and you deserve no less than that.

“This isn’t my story, it’s that of the person that I love and value the most. My husband is my hero. ”
by Anonymous

This isn’t my story, it’s that of the person that I love and value the most. My husband is my hero. He’s everything and more that I’d ever expect in a decent human being. I’ve always known him to be reserved, but you can tell when something gets too far. We’d drive to work together, a good 45 minutes each way, without a word spoken. He spoke even less than his reserved self, looked distant, and would lay in bed staring at he ceiling fan. His gorgeous dimples had all disappeared. And I knew that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.

On an off chance I mentioned hypochondria on a visit to his doctor, who displayed such a tremendous presence of mind, for which I’ll be forever grateful - he asked us to go see a psychologist for potential anxiety. We hadn’t quite grasped the gravity of the situation, until a few weeks from this visit, when a seemingly small bump in the road opened up a well of emotions that I didn’t know he had. After two agonising days, my husband pulled up his chair next to mine to say the first words to me in two days - I think I’m depressed, and I need help.

That was the beginning of our healing. It’s been 5 years since then, we still have good days and bad days, but we know they’ll pass. He knows how to ride over the bad days, he’s learnt to recognise triggers, and handle them head on. I’ve learnt patience. And that it’s his journey. All I can do is to walk alongside this beautiful man as he discovers his complex mind.

Depression is real. It’s crippling. And it’s manageable. We need to call it out, and then find a way to best manage it.

If you’re depressed, name it, and go find help. There are more good days, and you deserve to live them well. If you know, and love, someone who is depressed, stand by them. That’s all you have to do.


“I'm 21. Just stopped taking antidepressants 2 months ago. I was in severe depression for 6 months”
by Anonymous

I'm 21. Just stopped taking antidepressants 2 months ago. I was in severe depression for 6 months. Did not understand what was happening to me or where it came from. Everything was fine, but slowly I did not want to wake up or get up from bed. I was fighting with myself all the time. Every second of every mintute felt was difficult to pass. I would cry all day and night , everything that made me happy felt like a task suddenly. I forced myself to do even the basic things, like to smile and talk to people. I did not tell anybody, thinking it would get fine one day or the other.

Until I started complaining about my severe headache. And one day I could not take it. I felt like I was not able to recognise things or that my brain had stopped working. I could not understand even one single line of my book, which made me feel like the blood circulation to my brain had stopped. One day, all of a sudden, my barin could not take it anymore and I went to the doctor. She told me that my heart beat was way way more than normal. I told her about my headache for the last 3-4 months. She understood and immediately diagnosed me with depression and gave 4-5 anti depressant tablets.

I deep inside knew what it was but I had not accepted it until then. I never thought I would be depressed in my life for I was stronger than any girl I knew. I still do not know where it came from and why did it happened to me, because I was perfectly happy. I took the medicines for 8-9 months and stopped until only recently. I have started to take care of my mental health. I am now more aware of it and that one year has changed me completely. So the only thing that I want to tell anyone who is suffering from it, is that all this while I was suffering all alone but I did not loose hope NO MATTER WHAT. I knew it that one day it is all going to be fine.

THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN GET YOU OUT OF IT , AND THAT IS YOU. It is going to be the most difficult phase of your life but it will get over one day and make you even stronger. WHAT DOES NOT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STONGER. Go to a psychiatrist today if you feel even the slightest symptoms. AND DO NOT LOOSE HOPE THROUGH the process. You have to get better for yourself.


“I suffered from depression for 5 months. I used to cry many times without reason. I was getting angry about small things at times.”
by Anonymous

I suffered from depression for 5 months. I used to cry many times without reason. I was getting angry about small things at times. And this happened because I was detained in class 9 and was not able to secure the marks I wanted to get in class 10 & 12. One of my friend whose sister was a psychiatrist helped me come out of it. She also helped me in getting my self-confidence back, which I lost due to some failures I had gone through.

Depression puts a person in tough situations but you can overcome it by yourself, but the belief and support from others you get, helps too.


“I am also the victim of depression and anxiety disorder. It started when I was 15 years.”
by Rahul

Hi, Greetings to all. I am Rahul, 24 years old. I am also the victim of depression and anxiety disorder. It started when I was 15 years. It is just painful. It deteriorated my academic, social and personal life. Mental illnessess are abstract in nature, so your loved ones may not be able to notice it or they may not recognize your pain. I humbly advise you that please don't be angry on them, they may be just ignorant about it. But there is hope. With proper medication and counselling, you will lead a better life.

Thank You Deepika and the Foundation, for igniting hope in me.


“I am here sharing my story because I want to make a difference among the people who have depression and mainly talk about suicide.”
by Anonymous

Hi. I am here sharing my story because I want to make a difference among the people who have depression and mainly talk about suicide. I am only 16 years old and last year, I went through depression. I don't know how to describe it but it was terrible and horrendous and I would never want to have a relapse OR have anyone else to go through what I went through. I became suicidal and started cutting my wrists to reduce the pain inside of me. And by the end of last year, I had attemped suicide thrice. I still did not have the desire to live because I felt like life was meaningless.

I had opened up to my friends but they did nothing to help me because they didn't take me seriously.I hated being with my family. I felt like I was in prison and all I wanted to do was get out of my house and run away. Since I couldn't do that, I frequently locked myself in my room and barely came out of it. I use to starve myself and ignore my mom's screams. My mom was getting worried of me and kept confronting me about what's wrong. I kept telling her everything is fine. Until one day, we had a massive fight and I was crying and although it was very difficult because I don't open up to adults - I told her about my depression.

And that's when she searched it up online for more information and finally recognised my illness that was very severe at that moment. She did everything she could to help me. And I am thankful to her for that. I took time and I helped myself because to be honest, it all starts with you. Right now, I'm much better and I want to tell everyone out there, especially the teenagers who go through what I had gone through.

SUICIDE IS NEVER AN OPTION AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. Please don't take your own life. Although it might seem like the right thing to do at the moment, it is not. You are born to live, you will have struggles and failure THAT will only make you stronger! Just never give up. Reach out to people. Although it is very hard, reach out and seek help.

There are people willing to help. I'm young and I just wanted to share to let the youth out there know they can do this. I hope my story brings a difference, because I care.


“I have been suffering from depression for years now. It is generally triggered when I feel 'abandoned'. ”
by Anonymous

I have been suffering from depression for years now. It is generally triggered when I feel "'abandoned'. I am currently doing perfectly fine, the ups and downs are still there but I am stable most of the time. What helped was firstly - medication. I did not want to take it at first, but I had to because I started developing health issues due to loss of appetite. I am now reducing it, after more than a year of taking it. So yay! Secondly, reflection.

Whenever I feel very depressed or hating on life, myself and everything, I take a moment to think rationally about what's happening inside my head. Within minutes I catch the trigger (thought, word or situation), and I know the secret behind my crisis. Doing this helped me prevent many crisises as I would see it coming through recognition of the trigger.

I did this around 10 times (more or less) within 2 years, and generally each reflection session would last between 1 to 3-4 hours depending on my state. So if you do suffer from depression as well, go see a doctor, but do reflect on your crisis as it helps a lot! Wishing you all fast recovery and a long healthy and happy life.

Thank you TLLLF for bringing us together.


“Depression. It’s just a word, but it can turn your world upside down.”
by Guniya Sharma

THAT FEELING
Begins with a scratch,
turns into a wound;
it is that feeling.


Darkens your soul and,
rips you apart;
it is that feeling.


Living feels like existing,
ceasing feels too easy;
it is that feeling.


Sadness, misery, anger come along with it.
Make you want to cease,
with each passing minute;
it is that feeling.


Cut yourself; bleed yourself,
it won’t help I know!
Embrace the light and,
let it go.


Fight it, conquer it;
believe in yourself;
let go,
and find your true self.


Depression. It’s just a word, but it can turn your world upside down. 80% of the people don’t even know that they are suffering from it. So, if even the person who is suffering from it doesn’t know then how someone else is supposed to? People do not consider it as a serious issue but it is one.


Read about it, learn about it, know what you are suffering from. A conversation with a friend or family can help a lot!


The Live Love Laugh Foundation is one of the many foundations against depression. If you know someone suffering form the same, please help them because you making a move might save a life!"


“When every young girl were looking for the chance of perfect career growth, I was struggling with panic attack and anxiety disorder”
by Nikita

At the age of 24 when every young girl were looking for the chance of perfect career growth or dreaming about her prince charming , I was struggling with panic attack and anxiety disorder. I Still don't know the exact reason whether it was my fears of childhood journey or the result of an abusive relationship. Around 3 years ago I just woke up with lot of fear and a weird feeling which continues for around 1 year with lot of physical symptoms and mental stress. I took the help from professional doctor who played very important role to make me believe that there is nothing wrong with me physically but its a chemical imbalance in a brain. Now today I am feeling much better and improved by anxiety disorder with the help of medicines, exercise, friends and family.


Just for all those who are struggling with the same - acceptance is the first step to cure yourself, give attention to your body as well as mind and pamper them with lots of love and care.

“I am a victim to this illness since childhood.”
by Anonymous

As I have been going through with both anxiety and depression from the time where I didn't even know what was happening to me...Yes I am a victim to this illness since childhood... It became extremely difficult for me to take on everyday challenges even simple normal.tasks of going to school. I had no idea that I am suffering from what is termed as depression and in my case childhood depression .my situation became worse when I went through loss of appetite loss.of communication and now loss of interest in the daily activities...At present my situation is better than before but I don't know how much damage I will cover in the coming years as I constantly go through bodyaches loss of interest and finding no purpose or giving an aim to my life.


I still go through deep bouts of loneliness but after so long struggle which can be counted as nearly 14-16 years where I have dealt with extreme on and off depression anxiety panic...it became worse that I had to seek for help.


Pretty much I am doing fine by seeking help.


Whatever I have suffered it is all biological/genetic...it's no one's fault...I am blessed with a wonderful family and recently with a pet.i find Greta comfort with him. Falling a victim to depression I have lived the worst feelings one can experience I know what is loneliness as I have lived it..Depression is hard depression is real.


With my story all I can say is with my depression I have lost many opportunities my personality...but it had made me humble human being..I know hiw important love is in life and that it can act a s wonders. I am still blessed that u still have this life even if I suffer from on and off from depression anxiety or panic attacks. I am on my way to healing to start from the very beginning as how to live and survive beautiful amid the chaos. All those who suffer from mental illness.


Its nobody's fault. And I am there to support you !!!


#fightagainstdepression


#tlllfoundation


#childhooddepression


#depressionisreal


#saveasoul

“No one really understands why the brain works the way it does.”
John Brownlee takes us through his experience of seeing his dad cope with depression.

The first time I realized my dad wasn’t like other dads, he sat straight up in bed, wide-eyed, and started screaming: “WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”


I would later become a smart aleck, but at the time, I was three, maybe four, so I didn’t respond to these questions the way I might now: “Hey, if anyone should know, it’s you.”


A moment before, I had been watching Sesame Street on the edge of my parents’ bed. My father was napping. He’d been sick for the last couple of days, so he’d stayed home from the office that day. It must have been late, because my mother, who also worked, was home. I think it was spring or summer, because it was still daylight out.


Or maybe it was a weekend in winter. How can you totally trust a 35-year-old memory? All I know is that when I remember that day, it happens in the evening. In the springtime. And my father is still there, still alive, shaking me by my tiny shoulders and yelling.


“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”


Downstairs, my mother hears the commotion. She shouts up the stairs, “Bruce? What’s wrong?”


The reedy tremolo of terror in her voice gives my father, deranged, another vector than the small, shivering child he was shaking in his hands. (Did he know I was a child, let alone his child? Was he that far gone? Another answer I’ll never know.) He erupts from the bed, hurling me into the corner, and by the time I have picked myself up from the floor, the bedroom is empty.


I follow him into the hallway, sniffling. I feel the overwhelming guilt of the toddler, whose heart crushes itself under the solipsism of his newness. Whatever is wrong with my dad, I must be the cause. Yet I have no real idea of what it is I could have done.


“I could feel a sense of loss; it felt like I had lost a limb even though I hadn’t.”
A woman shares her struggle through an abortion and the loss of a relationship.

I woke up feeling strange and empty. My hands were shivering, my mind wandering and I was feeling extremely restless. I could feel a sense of loss; it felt like I had lost a limb even though I hadn’t. I could see the dark end approaching and couldn’t imagine life after. I would stare endlessly at my computer screen counting seconds to pass by, and each second felt like an hour.


I suffered an abortion. At a time, where I couldn’t even comprehend childbirth, I was asked to abort a child. And the man responsible for it chose to walk away as per his convenience, citing that he was too young to be a part of the trauma. I went through both the physical and emotional effects alone. I couldn’t even understand why I was mourning the end of a relationship, crying over someone so irresponsible. The day after the abortion I felt like an emotional wreck. The following day I was empty, sad and numb. I was told that I would be out for eight minutes and I would feel only a little discomfort afterward. They lied. It ruined the next 3 years of my life. The man who said he loved me for 6 years, bailed out on me because he was too scared to commit. I couldn’t even absorb what happened.


Slowly I suffered from low self-esteem. I grew cranky, irritated and socially awkward. I had nightmares where I was forced to see my baby being ripped apart in front of me. I would lock myself in a room and cry all day. I would sleep not wanting to wake up the next day. I wasn’t a coward but I wished I could erase all the pain from my life permanently. I was embarrassed to share my story with anyone as I felt guilt and shame. The day I decided to give up and end the pain in my mind, a voice in my head directed me towards seeking help. I read up online and visited a therapist, with no expectations of getting better. I was sure that nobody can help me. I found myself sitting in the room with a lady questioning me and my choices. I sat there, adamant to not utter a word. She waited patiently. I left without saying anything, but the silence pushed me to go back. The second time I was with the therapist, I poured my heart out. I spoke without a filter and without the fear of being judged. That was the best decision of my life. She helped me set realistic goals for the future and helped me identify and channel my emotions positively. I was hesitant towards medication at first, but slowly started to feel better.


I am in a much better place now and I am glad that I have learned to cope with depression and take it in my stride.


“Standing with hundreds of people but still feeling all alone.”
Dr. Chaarvi explains her struggle with depression.

am Dr.Chaarvi Murari and I’m a dental surgeon. I struggled with depression for over four years. Fortunately, my family and friends have been very supportive in helping me overcome it. Here’s a snippet of my struggle:


EMPTY, Time runs by
At the glimpse of my sight
But, I stand still
In Fear what is coming next
About which I am clueless
Praying for a future where I am fearless
I push myself to be strong…
Every night seems like the last
Waking up to a dull sun
Listening to a song I can’t hear
Sleeping with a baggage which I can no longer bear
Pain, loss, agony… Yes, it is here, it is now!
People say failure is relative
But they don’t know, when it strikes you, it becomes superlative
Losing the zeal to put my heart and soul
Life has endless possibilities but I don’t know what exactly is my goal
Trying to prove my worth every day
Hiding what is not to be shown
Keeping a smile up and burying my wrath
Putting all my pieces together just to show that I am not torn
Standing with hundreds of people but still feeling all alone
I know they won’t understand and now I don’t want them to
Can’t explain myself to everyone, everyday and every time
Can’t put it on anyone else when I know that the curse is mine
Now, that loneliness has become my solace, darkness seems divine
But I know somewhere in my heart
I will have a future of glory and might
As it is only a shattered glass which shines like stars holy and bright


“I was unable to comprehend as to why I behaved the way I did.”
Kadambari describes her 35 years of struggle with depression and bipolar disorder.

I have struggled with bipolar disorder, anxiety, nervousness and depression, since I was a little girl. These mental issues have been my enemy for the past 35 years or so. I always thought that I would win them over. Little did I realize that they would also end up putting up a strong fight against me. However, I have gained strength to manage and cope with it and hope to do so, for the rest of my life.


I was just about 10 when I stood cowering in the corner of my room, shaken from the beating I was subjected to. I looked at the adults in the house, for help. I failed to understand why I was being punished. I knew that I had been bothering my parents and was different from my siblings. I harboured guilt for hurting everyone around me with my unusual behaviour. But, there was a lack of awareness about mental health issues in those days.


I was nervous and used to tremble with stage fear during my performances. I was confident and an extrovert, but eventually transformed into an introvert and a reticent girl. I thought that I could win over the world, but grew up into an adult believing that I was less than ordinary. I compared myself to my classmates who I believed were talented and worthy.


I was paranoid about exploding under the impact of my emotions. Shouting and screaming without any apparent provocation was normal for me. To contain me, my parents beat me mercilessly. However, I believed that they were not in the wrong either. I considered myself as a stigma to the family who contaminated their prestige with my irrational behaviour. I was unable to comprehend as to why I behaved the way I did.


Despite getting admission in a management course from a prestigious institute, I considered myself worthless. I suffered the guilt of not being able to live up to my father’s dream of becoming a doctor.


At the age of 21, I got engaged and eventually married the guy my father chose for me. I broke down completely as I could not express the affection I harboured in my heart for a boy in college. I never considered myself worthy of his love although sometimes I observed him to be taking keen interest in me. He was curious about my unusually quiet nature. I felt undeserving of his love.


I struggled with maintaining my relationships. I failed to foresee that my mental issues are going to wreck havoc to my marriage. However, the universe ended up being kind to me. I was blessed to be married to a gentle and understanding soul, who was patient and empathetic towards me.


However, my in-laws kept constantly taunting me, which triggered the depression again. I attempted suicide three times in a span of 7 years and went through intense therapy and medication. The doctors informed me that I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. My husband supported me through the struggle, completely. He rushed me to the emergency ward past midnight. He stayed up all night just to make sure I was fine, in spite of several suicide attempts.


There are innumerable days in a month when I sulk in my bed refusing to wake up. I take my medicines and choose to lie in bed all day. However, I am still hopeful and I am waiting for the days that will be bright and cheerful. I have lived an incomplete life so far, but believe that everything is going to change for the better and that these dark clouds will eventually let the sun shine through.


“I would cry myself to sleep every night for months together and wake up with swollen eyes. I created a home under my quilt.”
Ritika describes her struggle with stress and anxiety, and how she took to alternative therapy to overcome it.

I was a fun loving college student who was living on my own, away from family. I loved hanging out with my friends and was very happy. However, suddenly, life took an unpredictable turn. Something didn’t seem right, the spark was missing. I would cry myself to sleep every night for months together and wake up with swollen eyes. I created a home under my quilt. I suffered from stress and anxiety. I refused to show resilience for some inexplicable reason. I was too scared to be happy. I chose to be sad. I would break down into tears very easily. This also resulted in loss of appetite and weight loss. It also made me physically weak.


The worst feeling is when everything seems fine, but you’re still not okay. I couldn’t comprehend why I was feeling this way. After struggling for almost 8 months, I decided to acknowledge my fear and seek help. I shared how I was feeling with my parents. That was the first step towards getting am in much better place now. However, I’m still looking for the lost spark and hope to be happy again, soon.


“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert


14 Dec 2017
Depression Diary
Life is not always the same when somebody finds himself/herself in the throes of depression or anxiety disorder. It takes unscheduled turns and one’s emotions are at doldrums.
Hi. My name is Nandita Singh, and this is my scattered story. Short broken excerpts from my life spent in school, at home, and now in college, that attempt to make sense of the chaos in my heart. I just wanted you to know that even when the world seems like it will swallow you up whole, always remember that you are not, and will never be, alone.
Read Nandita’s Diary

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