Stories of Hope

In 2012, at the age of 11, I moved from Bangalore, India, to a town in Upstate New York, marking a significant period in my life. This time was undeniably challenging, as I left behind the familiarity of my family, friends, and the culture that had shaped me since birth. Adjusting to a new school environment where I didn't always feel a strong sense of acceptance socially or culturally, I became introverted and experienced times of just feeling down during my early teen years.

During this time, I discovered the power of music as a means of coping. While I had learned to play the violin before, it was during this period that I truly tapped into its potential. I found a sense of peace in spending hours playing the violin and composing music in my makeshift studio in the basement, as well as participating in violin performances at my local temple and in my school orchestra. Throughout the years post moving to the United States, I had actively suppressed aspects of my Indian cultural identity, but I have since embarked on a journey of changing my mindset and in trying to truly embrace and celebrate it.

Reflecting on my experiences, I've come to realize that it is so important to prioritize the things that give you a sense of peace. For me it is music, but for you, it could be anything. Whether it's engaging in outdoor activities like hiking, cooking, working out, seeking support from therapy, or prioritizing alone time during busy weeks, it's essential to allocate time for what nurtures your well-being and to create a healthy and safe space for yourself.

Mr Mahadevapura, residing in Gulbarga, was identified by Asha workers due to his severe mood shifts and disruptive behaviour. His unpredictable temper and aggressive actions instilled fear in those around him. Concerned for his well-being, his family resorted to chaining him inside the house, depriving him of the freedom to venture outside. In a state of confusion, he resorted to ingesting paper and displaying harmful tendencies towards animals. Basic daily tasks such as bathing and eating were reliant on his family's assistance. With the unwavering support of Asha workers, Mr Mahadevapura has made remarkable strides in his journey towards recovery. Regular check-ins have ensured the timely intake of meals and medications, fostering a sense of stability. Gradually, he regained his independence, venturing outdoors and managing his own chores. The family is now well-informed about the monthly Mental Health camps held in the vicinity, making seeking assistance more accessible than ever before. Previously, they had to embark on arduous journeys to distant places for treatment.

However, thanks to LiveLoveLaugh's Rural Program, access to necessary support has become more convenient, significantly alleviating their financial burden.

Lakshmana was identified by @apd_india in 2016. He is a patient of Schizophrenia, which was diagnosed after an unfortunate road accident and subsequent brain injury. Before the intervention, he was violent, aggressive and aloof, unable to perform daily activities & take care of himself. The family spent over 4 lakhs on his treatment in private hospitals before the intervention.

With LLL's intervention, APD streamlined Lakshmana’s treatment path and ensured a regular supply of medication & consultation took place. With the help of ASHA workers & village volunteers, the family was counselled and guided on how they could manage Lakshmana’s condition. After his condition stabilised, he was given a loan to purchase sheep through the local Carer Group, which helped the family tremendously to generate a stable income.

Today, he and his family met us with beaming smiles on their faces - Lakshmana’s mother is an active parent champion, paying forward her gratitude by supporting other families going through similar experiences in their village.

Back in 2017, I faced acute anxiety attacks. My life had turned upside down and wasn't even aware of what was happening to me. I stopped doing things I love  due to fear and lack of confidence, like driving alone, going to parties, chilling with friends, feeling alive, walking alone, and travelling. It all became overwhelming, and worst of all was the continuous fear of survival. Have you ever heard of the Flight or Freeze mechanism? When you are afraid, the body behaves and pulls back, but when you're anxious, it sometimes freezes, and you get stuck! I lived with this feeling for almost a year. I was fortunate enough to have people around me who supported me  and encouraged me to seek medical help. I reached out to therapists and psychiatrists. I watched YouTube videos to understand what was happening, and most of all, I TRIED and TRIED continuously to fix my problem. Now after 3-4 years, I am doing much better, and I have conquered it with my WILL, the SUPPORT OF FRIENDS, MEDICAL HELP, and THE COURAGE to not give up. For anyone reading this, I’d like to say that don’t give up, all it requires is some extra strength to fight these feelings and I promise you will feel better.

“Being a mountaineer, I’ve lived some of the most gratifying moments of my life up in the highest peaks in the world. One of those moments was when, in the spring of 2016, I reached the summit of Mount Everest to support The Live Love Laugh Foundation and raise awareness about mental health. The message we brought to the top of the world: You are not alone. 
 It was a very proud moment for me as I knew the importance of mental health awareness. Most importantly, I knew how getting the right support from friends and family, as well as from professionals in the field, could make all the difference in someone’s outcome. In 2009 I would have told anyone that my cousin Daniel was the most cheerful person in my family. So it was a great shock when he took his life after he found out that he was cheated on. He kept quiet about how deeply this experience had affected him. He did not open up to family members nor did he reach out to a professional who could offer help. I wish I knew back then what I know now, that I didn’t have to wait for him to ask for help. I should have talked to him and asked him if he was alright. To offer help and to listen to him without any judgment. I’ll forever live with the thought that I could have made a difference. We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.”

Around the time I was 25 years old and my brother was 23, he began experiencing anxiety. We had lived what I believe was the perfect youth, with a comfortable life, and loving, caring parents. I'm ashamed to say that, initially, I was not as supportive about his issues as I should have been because it surprised me that my brother was suffering despite the great life we had! Due to the lesson learned from my cousin not seeking help, I became much more involved with my brother. I made sure he felt supported and had access to medical professionals whenever he needed it. Thanks to this, my brother has healed into a genuinely happy person, raising two wonderful little girls and has a great relationship with his wife.

“My name is Deepesh Soni, I am a biologist, a teacher, and an entrepreneur. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that one day I would be affected by depression. At the start of 2020, I was diagnosed with mild depression, but I chose to ignore it; however, things started to deteriorate rapidly, and in March 2020, I was diagnosed with major clinical depression with suicidal ideation. At this time, I realised that I needed some professional help, and I was put on antidepressants by my doctor. There were many reasons for my depression, one of which was family issues. My wife is Russian, and due to the difference in our cultures, we have had a clash of views.

The antidepressants helped me, and I started to feel better; however, I was badly impacted by the side effects, and I stopped taking these medications cold turkey. But it was a wrong decision because I experienced severe depression and panic attack episodes, and I became suicidal once more. On September 10th, 2021, I had a failed suicide attempt, but I was taken to the ER immediately by my colleagues, and I was just saved after over 24 hours of being unconscious.

I have not yet fully recovered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, and I continue to take the medications prescribed by my doctor every single day. And I do sometimes feel suicidal, but I ensure that I reach out for help. I hope to completely get out of this vicious cycle of depression soon, and live a happy life. For anyone going through similar challenges, I'd like to say that ‘It's okay to ask for help!’ Because there’s hope, even when your mind tells you there isn’t.”

“In school, I always thought that I was the best in everything. I had everything anyone would have wanted at that age; school captain, best in sports, best in extracurriculars, teacher favourite and good in studies. When I stepped out of school, that’s when I realised that life is much more than just the four walls of my classroom. There was so much competition, talent and a rush in everyone’s eyes. I got scared! I started doubting myself. Did my BBA because others were doing it. Started a regular job because others were doing it. I started going into a state where things just didn’t make any sense to me anymore. The clocks were ticking, but I wasn’t moving. Or maybe only my body was. Nothing felt good. Demotivated. Broken. Suffocated. And then the worst happened, I lost my job during the Pandemic. No salary, no work and with each passing day, the loneliness started hitting hard. And that’s when I started writing on topics that could help others in the same situation as I was in! The purpose was to let the people out there know that THEY AREN’T ALONE! I started talking about mental health and topics that people still think are taboo in society. You know, when you are the one who has gone through things in life, you can talk about it more strongly. That’s exactly what happened. People started texting me that they felt calm after going through the content I posted. They felt better knowing that someone else was in the same boat as them. And with all this, if I am making a difference in even one person’s life, I think I have played my part well. Lately, I have been in a better place now. I am a creator on Instagram, I run a small business, and I am a football coach by profession. Today when I write this, I can openly say that I know I am not the best in everything and that there are people much more talented than me. But today, I know that if I do the things I love with full faith and trust, I will surely be the best in the coming few years. It’s just the start!”

“18 years ago, when I delivered a baby girl, my husband & I were excited to be parents. Post-delivery, I was living at Amma’s house, & my husband often visited us–life was perfect!

Until, 3 months later, my best friend died in a fire. I’d known her my whole life & even when I got pregnant, she was excited to be an aunt! But after we lost her, something broke in me. I don’t remember this, but Amma says, after I came home, I refused to look at my daughter. I’d point at her & shout, ‘I won’t touch her, she’s burning!’ I’d stopped eating, bathing & I’d self harm. Amma would sit by my bed all night to ensure I didn’t wander out.

And soon, she put me up for treatment. Initially, my husband visited & but as time passed, his visits dwindled. Even when I got pregnant & delivered a boy 2 years later, he barely spent time with us. I should’ve seen it coming, but when I found out he was having an affair, I was shattered! I lost all the recovery I'd had.

Later, he tried to reconcile–I forgave him, for my kids but nothing changed. 6 months later, when I confronted him, he said, ‘You’re crazy! You can’t even look after us.’ Those were his last words to me… That day, he left & never came back.

I’d only cry… but one night Amma said, ‘Don’t lose heart–live for your kids!’ I realised they deserved a better life.

So, I started treatment again. But mental health problems are such a taboo; getting the right treatment in my village wasn’t easy. I felt helpless–my kids were living like orphans & my family was struggling to keep me alive.

And last year, when The Live Love Laugh team found me during one of their camps, they helped me with treatment & paid for my medication. They got me onto a government scheme, which gives me a pension of Rs. 1,000 per month!

Today, I’m better, mentally. I try to make up for all lost time–every day, my kids tell me all about their day, & I love it. I cannot change the past, but I can promise my kids a better future. Because, at my lowest, my family was my rock. And now that I'm recovering, I'll say to those who are struggling, ‘It's okay to ask for help!’ Because there’s hope, even when your head tells you there isn’t.”

I was really young when I started to feel like not living anymore. I had no expectations from anyone. I felt anxious very often. I would wake up every morning and never really felt like doing my work or studying. I felt terrible, I kept wondering why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this? After feeling this way for sometime, one day, I decided to end my life, without thinking about anyone, because things were getting terrible everyday, I attempted suicide and it failed and the first thing someone told me after this, was that it failed because I deserve to live. I deserve to be happy. What I have learnt over time is that these feelings are definitely not permanent and this too shall pass. Yes, it hurts and survival feels difficult, but the hope we can get when we see others supporting us throughout the recovery process is just unmatched, unexplainable and wonderful. Especially for someone like me who keeps thinking that things will never get better. Even the littlest of things matter, and so do our precious lives. I went on with my treatment and I kept getting better. It's a process, it takes time, of course it’s unforgettable, but when it brings out the best in us, it seems to be so beautiful! I hope we all believe in ourselves and just keep going. Our lives are beautiful and we deserve to live. Nothing but hope should be our strength!