Stories of Hope

"I’ve suffered from OCD-related germophobia for years now. I’ve been through my own bouts of anxiety and panic attacks that have often made day-to-day functioning an uphill battle. I’ve also had friends who continue to combat depression and anxiety. While there’s a great amount of literature available online around this. There’s still some degree of stigma attached to openly talking about mental health challenges and the road to recovery; or normalcy, if you will. And, that hesitation to reach out to trusted folks and truly opening up is a function of a societal outlook that lauds hustle, success, and emotional labour; and looks at insecurities, vulnerabilities, and failures with a borderline jaundiced eye. This has a trickle-down effect on those fighting to keep their heads above water – the nagging thought of “what will they think or say?” echoes every step towards seeking a trusted shoulder to lean on or professional help that can address a genuine problem. Think of it as an extension to the Spotlight Effect.

As complex human beings eager to please, appease, and appear happy, content, successful or satisfied with life at all times; we operate in our own existential bubbles. We operate with figurative masks (or nakaabs) on.

We’re quick to brush our fears, anxieties, stresses, vulnerabilities, and insecurities under the carpet. We often pretend that everything is okay, in our eternal quest to project ourselves as normal.

But, that can only take us that far. Beyond that, we only kid ourselves under the cloak of denial. We extend our pretensions to social media. We scroll down superficial social media feeds of others. This reinforces our sense of disillusionment. And, eventually takes a toll on our mental health.

I’ve encountered it first-hand. And, I realised there was something I wanted to do about it. That was the seed of the idea for “Nakaab”. I also wanted to keep it real, relevant, and relatable – through the creative medium of rap music. The song that aims to normalize conversations around mental health. Written, composed, and shot completely at home – it’s garnered a lot of positive feedback. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WUhVR16paA"

I was a girl with faith, strength and a lot of positivity. But everyone has their weak and strong points. After I lost my dad, I lost my will to continue living my life. Fortunately, one of my closest friends entered my life like a guardian angel. She identified my symptoms in me and indicated that this could be depression. So she took me to a psychiatrist after which my whole life changed. I was struggling for peace each and every day. Waking up was like a struggle for me. I used to sleep the whole day and all night because it was the only escape for me. I had fear of attachments. I avoided all things good and cried at random times without any reasons. I even had suicidal thoughts and attempted two to three times. Ever since I started therapy and medication I've been living a happy life. I never knew depression was so real. But recovery from depression changed my life completely. Now, I’m able to make my own decisions without any guilt. Every day is a new life for me. My recovery journey from mental illness helped me bring back my old self. Now it’s a new and happier me.

I started modelling at the age of 20 when I won a beauty pageant called The Savvy Cover Girl 2007. I became a reputed model and walked the ramp for the best designers in India, along with doing TV Ads and campaigns for some reputed brands.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all this, I was diagnosed with severe depression and was on heavy medication. In August 2018, I attempted suicide and jumped from my terrace, which was on the 6th floor. I broke all the bones on the left side of my body, below my collarbone. I had two cardiac arrests and ruptured my aorta, along with collapsed lungs, a deranged kidney and lacerated liver. I was on life support and in a coma for 1 and a half months. I underwent 6 surgeries and have a stent in my heart, rod in my leg, screws and plates in my ankle and in my arm. I was incapable of movement and was confined to the bed and then a wheelchair for a year. I decided to put in every single second into walking again despite severe pain. After 3 years of persistence I was finally able to walk on my own.

After recovery, I worked on myself and was ready to go back to work, but it became extremely difficult to get work. Initially, I would lie about what had happened and often call the incident an accident. But I couldn’t lie anymore and decided to own my truth and that is what helped me the most. I then won the Women Who Win award and gave a speech at the event about my journey which helped me build my confidence. After a very long time, I felt accepted and not embarrassed by my story. I went from not being able to talk to anyone because of my lack of confidence to giving many motivational speeches in front of large audiences.

I am now running and wearing 5 inch heels again and have resumed working. My aim is to help those who feel unworthy or need strength and work towards eradicating the stigma when it comes to mental illness and seeking help.

In 2012, at the age of 11, I moved from Bangalore, India, to a town in Upstate New York, marking a significant period in my life. This time was undeniably challenging, as I left behind the familiarity of my family, friends, and the culture that had shaped me since birth. Adjusting to a new school environment where I didn't always feel a strong sense of acceptance socially or culturally, I became introverted and experienced times of just feeling down during my early teen years.

During this time, I discovered the power of music as a means of coping. While I had learned to play the violin before, it was during this period that I truly tapped into its potential. I found a sense of peace in spending hours playing the violin and composing music in my makeshift studio in the basement, as well as participating in violin performances at my local temple and in my school orchestra. Throughout the years post moving to the United States, I had actively suppressed aspects of my Indian cultural identity, but I have since embarked on a journey of changing my mindset and in trying to truly embrace and celebrate it.

Reflecting on my experiences, I've come to realize that it is so important to prioritize the things that give you a sense of peace. For me it is music, but for you, it could be anything. Whether it's engaging in outdoor activities like hiking, cooking, working out, seeking support from therapy, or prioritizing alone time during busy weeks, it's essential to allocate time for what nurtures your well-being and to create a healthy and safe space for yourself.

Mr Mahadevapura, residing in Gulbarga, was identified by Asha workers due to his severe mood shifts and disruptive behaviour. His unpredictable temper and aggressive actions instilled fear in those around him. Concerned for his well-being, his family resorted to chaining him inside the house, depriving him of the freedom to venture outside. In a state of confusion, he resorted to ingesting paper and displaying harmful tendencies towards animals. Basic daily tasks such as bathing and eating were reliant on his family's assistance. With the unwavering support of Asha workers, Mr Mahadevapura has made remarkable strides in his journey towards recovery. Regular check-ins have ensured the timely intake of meals and medications, fostering a sense of stability. Gradually, he regained his independence, venturing outdoors and managing his own chores. The family is now well-informed about the monthly Mental Health camps held in the vicinity, making seeking assistance more accessible than ever before. Previously, they had to embark on arduous journeys to distant places for treatment.

However, thanks to LiveLoveLaugh's Rural Program, access to necessary support has become more convenient, significantly alleviating their financial burden.

Lakshmana was identified by @apd_india in 2016. He is a patient of Schizophrenia, which was diagnosed after an unfortunate road accident and subsequent brain injury. Before the intervention, he was violent, aggressive and aloof, unable to perform daily activities & take care of himself. The family spent over 4 lakhs on his treatment in private hospitals before the intervention.

With LLL's intervention, APD streamlined Lakshmana’s treatment path and ensured a regular supply of medication & consultation took place. With the help of ASHA workers & village volunteers, the family was counselled and guided on how they could manage Lakshmana’s condition. After his condition stabilised, he was given a loan to purchase sheep through the local Carer Group, which helped the family tremendously to generate a stable income.

Today, he and his family met us with beaming smiles on their faces - Lakshmana’s mother is an active parent champion, paying forward her gratitude by supporting other families going through similar experiences in their village.

Back in 2017, I faced acute anxiety attacks. My life had turned upside down and wasn't even aware of what was happening to me. I stopped doing things I love  due to fear and lack of confidence, like driving alone, going to parties, chilling with friends, feeling alive, walking alone, and travelling. It all became overwhelming, and worst of all was the continuous fear of survival. Have you ever heard of the Flight or Freeze mechanism? When you are afraid, the body behaves and pulls back, but when you're anxious, it sometimes freezes, and you get stuck! I lived with this feeling for almost a year. I was fortunate enough to have people around me who supported me  and encouraged me to seek medical help. I reached out to therapists and psychiatrists. I watched YouTube videos to understand what was happening, and most of all, I TRIED and TRIED continuously to fix my problem. Now after 3-4 years, I am doing much better, and I have conquered it with my WILL, the SUPPORT OF FRIENDS, MEDICAL HELP, and THE COURAGE to not give up. For anyone reading this, I’d like to say that don’t give up, all it requires is some extra strength to fight these feelings and I promise you will feel better.

“Being a mountaineer, I’ve lived some of the most gratifying moments of my life up in the highest peaks in the world. One of those moments was when, in the spring of 2016, I reached the summit of Mount Everest to support The Live Love Laugh Foundation and raise awareness about mental health. The message we brought to the top of the world: You are not alone. 
 It was a very proud moment for me as I knew the importance of mental health awareness. Most importantly, I knew how getting the right support from friends and family, as well as from professionals in the field, could make all the difference in someone’s outcome. In 2009 I would have told anyone that my cousin Daniel was the most cheerful person in my family. So it was a great shock when he took his life after he found out that he was cheated on. He kept quiet about how deeply this experience had affected him. He did not open up to family members nor did he reach out to a professional who could offer help. I wish I knew back then what I know now, that I didn’t have to wait for him to ask for help. I should have talked to him and asked him if he was alright. To offer help and to listen to him without any judgment. I’ll forever live with the thought that I could have made a difference. We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.”

Around the time I was 25 years old and my brother was 23, he began experiencing anxiety. We had lived what I believe was the perfect youth, with a comfortable life, and loving, caring parents. I'm ashamed to say that, initially, I was not as supportive about his issues as I should have been because it surprised me that my brother was suffering despite the great life we had! Due to the lesson learned from my cousin not seeking help, I became much more involved with my brother. I made sure he felt supported and had access to medical professionals whenever he needed it. Thanks to this, my brother has healed into a genuinely happy person, raising two wonderful little girls and has a great relationship with his wife.

“My name is Deepesh Soni, I am a biologist, a teacher, and an entrepreneur. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that one day I would be affected by depression. At the start of 2020, I was diagnosed with mild depression, but I chose to ignore it; however, things started to deteriorate rapidly, and in March 2020, I was diagnosed with major clinical depression with suicidal ideation. At this time, I realised that I needed some professional help, and I was put on antidepressants by my doctor. There were many reasons for my depression, one of which was family issues. My wife is Russian, and due to the difference in our cultures, we have had a clash of views.

The antidepressants helped me, and I started to feel better; however, I was badly impacted by the side effects, and I stopped taking these medications cold turkey. But it was a wrong decision because I experienced severe depression and panic attack episodes, and I became suicidal once more. On September 10th, 2021, I had a failed suicide attempt, but I was taken to the ER immediately by my colleagues, and I was just saved after over 24 hours of being unconscious.

I have not yet fully recovered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, and I continue to take the medications prescribed by my doctor every single day. And I do sometimes feel suicidal, but I ensure that I reach out for help. I hope to completely get out of this vicious cycle of depression soon, and live a happy life. For anyone going through similar challenges, I'd like to say that ‘It's okay to ask for help!’ Because there’s hope, even when your mind tells you there isn’t.”