18 years ago, when I delivered a baby girl, my husband & I were excited to be parents
“18 years ago, when I delivered a baby girl, my husband & I were excited to be parents. Post-delivery, I was living at Amma’s house, & my husband often visited us–life was perfect!
Until, 3 months later, my best friend died in a fire. I’d known her my whole life & even when I got pregnant, she was excited to be an aunt! But after we lost her, something broke in me. I don’t remember this, but Amma says, after I came home, I refused to look at my daughter. I’d point at her & shout, ‘I won’t touch her, she’s burning!’ I’d stopped eating, bathing & I’d self harm. Amma would sit by my bed all night to ensure I didn’t wander out.
And soon, she put me up for treatment. Initially, my husband visited & but as time passed, his visits dwindled.
Even when I got pregnant & delivered a boy 2 years later, he barely spent time with us. I should’ve seen it coming, but when I found out he was having an affair, I was shattered! I lost all the recovery I'd had.
Later, he tried to reconcile–I forgave him, for my kids but nothing changed. 6 months later, when I confronted him, he said, ‘You’re crazy! You can’t even look after us.’ Those were his last words to me… That day, he left & never came back.
I’d only cry… but one night Amma said, ‘Don’t lose heart–live for your kids!’ I realised they deserved a better life.
So, I started treatment again. But mental health problems are such a taboo; getting the right treatment in my village wasn’t easy. I felt helpless–my kids were living like orphans & my family was struggling to keep me alive.
And last year, when The Live Love Laugh team found me during one of their camps, they helped me with treatment & paid for my medication. They got me onto a government scheme, which gives me a pension of Rs. 1,000 per month!
Today, I’m better, mentally. I try to make up for all lost time–every day, my kids tell me all about their day, & I love it. I cannot change the past, but I can promise my kids a better future. Because, at my lowest, my family was my rock. And now that I'm recovering, I'll say to those who are struggling, ‘It's okay to ask for help!’ Because there’s hope, even when your head tells you there isn’t.”